If Only I Had Told Her By Laura Nowlin

Description

Levi Campbell has always thought that some things are designed to stay forever. Levi and his best friend, Magdalene “Mags” Thompson, had been through every important event in high school together, from summer nights in the garden to quiet talks in the school library. Their relationship is more than just a normal friendship; they can read each other’s minds, finish each other’s sentences, and talk about their college plans and far-off futures. Levi’s life would be meaningless without Mags by his side.

But as Levi’s senior year goes on, he becomes painfully aware that his feelings have changed. What used to feel like easy friendship is now full with longing that he can’t ignore. Every stolen look and every touch of their hands makes his heart race with both hope and fear. But the idea of endangering their relationship by telling her he loves her is too much for him to handle. Levi stays quiet, telling himself that keeping their connection is more essential than showing how he really feels.

Then, in one terrible instant, everything is different. Mags is gone, and the tragedy of losing her has left the close-knit hamlet of Portland Springs reeling. Levi’s world falls apart: the corridors they used to walk through feel empty, every joke they shared suddenly sounds empty, and the future he saw with Mags is gone forever. Levi shuts himself off from the world because he is so sad and tortured by the “what-ifs” of every confession he didn’t say. He doesn’t eat lunch, doesn’t look anyone in the eye, and pushes away the few friends who still try to get in touch. Even his loving single father can’t get past the wall of guilt and sadness.

Laura Nowlin writes about loss with brutal honesty that shows the rough, jagged edges. Levi’s grieving isn’t smooth or predictable; it’s messy and goes through rage, guilt, and hopelessness. But even in the gloom, there are signs of optimism. He remembers simpler times, like drinking milkshakes that had chocolate on them at the old restaurant or laughing on the creaking swing in the churchyard. These memories remind him that love lasts even when it isn’t spoken. These memories are both soothing and motivating, pushing Levi to face the agony he has been hiding.

Levi starts to get his life back together slowly, with the help of a caring counselor, a group of devoted friends, and an unexpected new buddy who knows how it feels to say goodbye too soon. He goes back to their favorite places, remembers how to laugh at old inside jokes, and starts composing letters to Mags—words he never said out loud but now writes down. Levi learns that remembering someone is more than feeling sorry for them; it means accepting the love they provided you and letting it affect your future.

If Only I Had Told Her is a strong proof of how strong the human heart is. Laura Nowlin tells a story that is both very personal and very relatable. She looks at how loss can break a soul and how courage, honesty, and the compassion of others may help it heal. Readers will be drawn into Levi’s emotional journey, hoping he will find atonement in his own weakness, and they will be moved to speak their truths before it’s too late.

About the Author

Laura Nowlin is a celebrated young adult author known for her emotionally rich storytelling and authentic characters. Her debut novel, If I Wait, captured the hearts of readers with its tender exploration of first love and loss. In every story she tells, Laura examines the complexities of friendship, the weight of unspoken words, and the transformative power of healing. She lives in California with her family and a constantly growing stack of notebooks.

Product Details

• Title: If Only I Had Told Her
• Author: Laura Nowlin
• ISBN-13: 9781984896452
• Publisher: Freeform
• Published: September 29, 2020
• Pages: 320
• Binding: Paperpack